maddrew - reinvent & unleash

The London Freeze is becoming or has become a cult congregation depending how fanatic are you taking part in the public display of togetherness. If you’ve heard about flash mob, then you will know what I am saying here. On an unexpected day, one will receive an email telling when and where is the next gathering is and what one is suppose to do there.

So yesterday morning, I got an email telling us to meet up at Liverpool Street tube station at 6.24pm and freeze with a pose we have in mind. Luckily, I didn’t have to try hard to drag Belle with me. You need to get out anyway. The minutes towards the moment were nerve wrecking, partly because I haven’t seen it before but have read about it so many times.

The minute the clock striked 6.24, almost all of the people standing in the main waiting area were not moving. A couple locked lips passionately for 4 minutes, a man tried to stab another mate, there was a couple trying to strangle each other and another held up a blown out umbrella.

By 6.28pm, everyone started to move again. Everyone cheered and clapped on the success of another attempt to make commuters puzzled and of course go down in the history of the city as one of the members of this public mob.

Sign up at London Mobs

Oh my god. Another sighting of a star in Leicester Square in Central London. This is the place to see the stars attending film premieres on weekdays. Of all the ones I’ve seen so far, Ashton Kutcher was standing the closest to the camera. Stood to wait for nearly 2.5 hours. And I got to see Natalie Imbruglia too. No photos of her though.

When death stumbles upon my thoughts once every blue moon, there is a question whether I should start doing what I want to do or drop the morbid contemplation and go on with my usual routine?, although being in the UK since, life is a roller coaster but still a routine ride.

There is a 50/50 chance that I will get hit by a car tomorrow, for instance and for the very few seconds before the light comes to pick me up, I reflect on the things I have done or not done. It is a very deeply flashback of who I am up to the moment "the other side" sent me the invitation card which needs RSVP in a second.

Which comes to the point of making the most of what I have right now, today, or scrap that and just do what I am suppose to do next, plan what to do this weekend and might as well shape my retirement fund since I reckon I will live long enough to desperately resort to seeing the doctor to prescribe me Viagra.

It was 6am today, all by myself, sipping tea in a middle eastern coffee shop in Leicester Square. Facing the window looking to the quiet street drenched in dim sunlight, I pondered about my life suddenly taken away. It’s one thing I don’t regret coming to the UK, but another what I do while I’m here. From an earlier posted blog, I said I’ve seen, felt and done many things I wanted to do. From that point of view, I will leave in content. Yet, I think I should, as soon as possible, do some more or fufill the other dreams of mine.

If we look at it, it’s a very simple question. The answer that usually comes to mind if we happen to give advice to someone about this matter is to follow your heart and do your best. Or "keep looking towards the light and you won’t see your shadow behind".

The thing is, I am not that simple. Reflecting it now, I see that I am pounded by multiple barriers that won’t go away, largely because of my past experiences and the lack of courage to take the leap of faith. The truth is I don’t know what I want. And despite saying that I will regret not doing what I wanted to do, the greatest regret, when the "light" arrives, is that I didn’t figure out in time what I actually love to do.

This is a small restaurant in a double decker bus that no longer runs on the road. Just as I thought London has nothing else to explore, came this small section called Spitalfields that keeps me excited about the street cafes, independant record stores and quirky "bustaurant" called the Rootmaster. If anyone comes to London for a visit, I will take you here for lunch.

Check out the website at Root master

Oh my god, Claudia Schiffer with her back. She appeared like a flash from nowhere and couldn’t be bothered to be photographed by everyone else but the press.

Noel Gallagher of Oasis appeared somewhere along the day. Couldn’t get a picture of him since he didn’t stop for us. What a star studded day.

This is Daniel Craig. See, so much to see in London. He was at the premiere of his new movie called Flashbacks of a Fool and I only knew he was coming at that very afternoon. Judging from this picture, he was standing very very close.

The first time I tried smoking a cigarrette was when I was studying in college. That would be more than 3 years ago, relatively later than most people. Back then, I couldn’t made out what was so addictive about smoking.

Some people might disagree with me on this but all this time, to me, smoking makes a man or woman look sophistically cool and powerful. A major influence is the media especially TV when someone pulls out a cigarrette, sucks the nicotine in and blow out through the mouth in such exuberance I cannot ignore the image it powerfully potrays. And it is very obvious that most of the TV characters that smoke are those in powerful, successful and sometimes deeply self contradictory circumstances. Basically, cool people smoke. For me, I am attracted to things that are complicated, deep in thoughts and feelings that makes life so interesting and unpredictable. Rarely you see a boring loser smokes. Part of this was why I tried smoking for that very one time in college, hoping that the image I admire will rub on me.

Despite that, since I was little, I never like the idea of smoking to our death, polluting the air around and I certainly hate it when my dad smokes. Waste of money, time and health. Back then, the health benefits of not smoking kept me away from being part of this elusive group of smokers.

Some say it is peer pressure that got many into smoking. The desperation to fit in the right group is so intense, we do almost anything to be accepted, smoking for that matter.

Having being in the UK for only nearly 3 years, my social circle is not fully formed to evolve. Lately, my night life has been so much fun, I get to meet new people. They are cool, fun and really relaxed in general. For me they are interesting to know and part of the package, they smoke.

With all these factors in mind, I lit a cigarrette 2 weeks ago. I still couldn’t understand why people smoke when I don’t sense anything from inhaling nicotine. I knew I wasn’t smoking it right. I tried since last year several times to learn to smoke properly with the help from colleagues and friends but all failed.

I guess I am in this phase of extreme curiosity at the moment, doing things I  never imagine I would do in Malaysia, bearing in mind as long as it is nothing illegal. So one night my cousin helped me and I finally did it. The nicotine passed through my throat and the eventual sense of calmness in my mind kicked in so good, I was lightheaded for a few seconds. I understand why people smoke. Not only it looks cool, holding the cigarette on one hand, it gives a kicking boost in addition to the alchohol while going out clubbing.

I now have a packet of Marlboro in my bag, waiting for me to lift the lid whenever I have this urge to do something, for instance, waiting for someone on the streets, sitting outside a busy cafe drinking tea or just being visible to those smoking outside the club.

Also, I want to know if I can control the addictive substance that has brought countless people to their knees to the point they cannot quit. It’s about my self dicipline, mindset and self esteem. I want to be a casual smoker from now on, lingering between the borders of a cronic smoker and someone who can switch on or off the habit to work to my advantage so that I look cool at the right place and time but I still get to keep my conscience free from debatable mockery.

Portsmouth is a seaside city on the south of England. I was passing through while on my way to Isle of Wight. The icon of the city is the tower (pic). Nothing much to see besides strolling the harbour but the place is packed with shops and restaurants that draw the crowd to the area.

-The Elephant man is the name given to a man who lived in the late 19th century that had a face deforminity so profound, his medical condition was made a film. At first, like several legends I grew up knowing, the story of this man was thought to be, well, a story. But further search shed light leading to my visit to the Royal London Hospital in Central London. However, the infamous human bones were buried long before I went to the museum near the hospital. 

Maddrew has liven up to his name again, this time making simple thoughts complicated to the point of clouding judgement of very importance to life and career.

When I decided to come to the UK, I had one need in mind. For these past two and a half years, I have satisfied a small portion of it and if I keep working here, things will turn out well for me and my family.

But since the beginning of the year, a new need has emerged and the urge is banging my conscience so loud, the practical side of me is finding it futile to disperse the untimely flame.

What am I going to do? Dump everything I am doing now and pursue the new frontier? It is scary for me. Like the time when I decided to come here. Despite all the intense planning months before coming they still cannot ease the fear of the unknown being in a different country. Today I find myself facing the same kind of unknowns, riskier perhaps.

Everytime I am down, I think of Malaysia - The family, friends and the comfort of sitting in a mamak store late at night. That is my comfort zone and in times of despair we tend to slide back to our boxes and repel anything unfamiliar. I am now in between the familiar and the unknown. To go forward, I will push my boundaries and discover new things which might turn out to be something of a blessing, or maybe not.

Despite all these uncertainties about myself, I know something very true about me. If I don’t try, ten years later, when I look back, I will hit myself, regretting for not doing things I wanted to do. And because opportunities had long passed, there is nothing in my powers that will bring them back and that is the ultimate frustration and despair that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

So, really, tell me, should I take the plunge?…