maddrew - reinvent & unleash

Ah, another year is ending. A year of a roller coaster ride, like I said in a post late last year. Let me see. This year alone, I’ve been shaken by more people than the first 2 years combined since moving to the UK. This is because the sheer variety of backgrounds have put my experience cravings at a level I am not very satisfied now. When I was working in the restaurants, my acquaintances were mostly Chinese, which more or less, have the same life story as mine.

Comparing the Westerners and my own life I chose to lead early on, their experiences are far way ahead of mine. It is safe to say I am about a decade behind when I started meeting people outside of work late last year. Together with Belle, we set about on a journey of discovery which saw us meeting people beyond our regular circles and had wild fun times along the way.

It has been great throwing myself outside the box. I’ve tried ***** for the first time at a house party. To be honest, I had taken it only once then and that’s it, will not touch it again. Would I have the opportunity to do so when I was younger, I doubt it. Here, when they found out I haven’t tried the stuff before, they were eager to get me into trying.

Casual relationships and the occassional vague grasps of being in a relationship all thrown into the pot, creating more heartaches and superficial bliss this one year alone than all the years of my life combined. So, Matthew Tan, Nicholas Neoh, I now truly feel the pain you guys went through in college.

Career wise, I am so glad to be in IKEA. The store I work in is the most profitable store in the world with the UK head office along side. That offers great opportunities.

Oh, and I learnt to smoke. I don’t smoke all the time. I’m even thinking of piercing my left ear and get a small tattoo on my back. But that is just not me at the moment. Who knows, I sometimes don’t recognise myself.

Recently, I met a friend and when I compare myself with him, I feel inadequate. I don’t have a degree, and I earn minimum wage and my bedroom is the size of my friend’s kitchen. He works in the financial sector and I’m pulling stocks from the warehouse. I always thought that a degree won’t guarantee a good life and that I am actually preparing a comfortable life in Malaysia, and the UK is just the tool to achieve that. I now see there are opportunities to be made if I just finish the business degree here. Talking to my ambitious colleagues also changed my mind. Indeed, my thought alters to allign with those around me. Along with that, my priorities, set about nearly one year ago, in shaping my journey in England are almost complete.

I must say I am closer to my mum and dad than ever before. The distance between different continents does help. I would never written letters to them about my thoughts if I see them everyday and be clouded by my impossibly achieved high expectations.

I must say, the Westerners, collectively, would tend to entertain their curiosities more and seek adventures to satisfy most of their hedonistic tendencies. Sometimes these are dizzying pursuits for me when time and resources are limited. Adding to that, I still hold on to one thing which is having faith in the future, that everything, sooner or later, will fall into place, as I have discovered lately. Conceiving me in London was one of the best decision my parents ever made for me.  And I do hope that my ultimate life’s dream of sitting at the porch one early morning facing the beach, with the sun still hiding behind the clouds, the wind gently gushes on the face, me holding a cup of black tea, resting my shoulder on someone else’s while immersing ourselves in the sound of the waves, thinking, “what a beautiful life”, will come true in due time.

Happy new year.

~ by maddrew on November 6, 2008.